If you were born to goodly parents, or find airing one's dirty laundry offensive...
you should stop now!
So today I awoke to my Mother.
She lives with me, and has for most of the last 12 years.
There are those who say,
"That must be great! I wish my Mom were that close."
Really?
Here are a few excerpts from our 45 minute "conversation" this am:
"Can I talk to you for a minute? You know, have you ever considered giving your kids some kind of prize for cleaning? I was watching the today show and they had a Dr on who said you should do that. Have you been upstairs, lately? I don't know why your kids don't pick up after themselves, I mean, when you have company what must they think about your housekeeping skills? Or the kids friends? I can only imagine what the kids friends must tell their parents. Also, I was noticing, the lawn, is Chris ever going to winterize? They say you need to do that. I can't do everything around here. How are Chandler's grades? Have you been talking to his teachers? What about Seth? I don't know how you can let his friends come over and eat all your food? That's expensive. You know, I am so tired all the time. I'm getting old and I can't afford the hearing aid I need. If Obama really cared, he'd do something about hte cost of hearing aids. And that Care Credit they put me on at the Dentist, I have called and called and told them I can't pay on the 1st because my soc sec check doesn't come in that early in the month,"
-I interrupt-
" Would you like me to call them? Maybe I could help you set up a plan to have the money put aside to make the payment?"
"I can't do it! I can't so it! I am a senior citizen Harlene! I'm still paying off Target and Penny's. I don't have a husband like you do to support me."
Harlene thought-"HUH?"
Mommy Dearest, " and why did your husband insist on such a big dog anyway? He sheds, he drools. I am so tired of picking up the kids from school everyday. I don't even have time to go grocery shopping and if I even try to take a nap, Annie or Geoffrey come upstairs to visit or chat."
" I could pick up the kids Mom, I'd be happy too."
"No, no I am still paying off the new tires I bought last year, and yesterday I had to take Christopher to Olive Garden, and I told the kids, I am not cleaning their rooms anymore. I mean, this place is a pigsty, I don't know what you and Chris do with your time. I can't live like this.
Are you ever going to paint the dresser in Annie's room? You've had that thing for 4 years? I don't know why you bothered to buy it if your never going to paint it. How long has it taken you to finally hang those curtains, anyway? Oh, and the kids left a bunch of books out upstairs. You really need a professional to come in her and clean these carpets. What is that on your face? You are gaining weight aren't you? Have you decided what your getting everyone for Christmas? I don't even have money for food, I don't know how I'm going to make it. And I need to go to World Market, they have those special lace cookies I like, and different kinds of coffees. I get lost, but you don't care. Can't you call someone to fix this sliding glass door. It's heavy. You know, another thing, when I try to walk Dieter, he gets so excited and wants to say hi to people when we walk by. I don't think you are training him very well. Another thing, if you are so tired and busy, why don't you quit going to church, it seems they always just want more and more from you. Don't they understand? Well, what time is ti? See, now I have to get to work."
This is not an exaggeration! Those who have seen this in action can attest to this.
This is the condensed version.
It is rapid fire, I don't even interrupt or defend myself anymore. I just either hide in the morning till she leaves, or I do, or I take my medicine like a good little girl.
For some of us,
Families are forever is a threat!
