Christopher and I hiking in Hawaii, age 3

Joy.
It's not what I expected to feel last night when I said goodbye to Christopher.
Not sincere joy , anyway.
Pride, too.
And peace, complete peace.
Peace with the choice he has made and peace with the man he has become.
I thought for sure I would feel sad, or worried for him.
But seeing him holding his own, talking with an Officer, and feeling so confident,
I was the one "at ease".

I believe in prayer. I believe we can know God's will for us and feel His Strength in times of question or need.
I believe Christopher has sought the Lord's guidance and has received direction as to the course of his life.
I believe our relationships on this earth are Eternal.
I am grateful to have had the opportunity to share the last 18 years with Christopher.
I am a better person because I am his mom.
I'm glad for every time I did things by the book,
and for every time I broke the rules with him.
I'm so glad I loved him fiercely!
I'm grateful I was way too affectionate,
and held him so close.
I'm glad I was often too tired to talk, so I just listened.
I'm grateful for the times I trusted The Lord.
He loves my kids more than I, and knows them better too.
I'm grateful for the times I got angry, when I knew he could do better.
Most of all I'm grateful for Christopher.
In feeling how much I love him, it gives me an inkling in to how much my parents love me.
How much The Lord loves me.

I'm grateful I wasn't nearly as responsible for who Christopher would turn out to be as I thought I was.
He's done a better job at that than I could have.

I'm excited for this next phase.
I'm now a supporting character in the background of Christopher's life.
He is the leading man, the star now.